Shakira And Gerard Pique Might Have Split Up

Reports from Barcelona and Colombia are claiming that feminist inspiration Shakira and her futbol-playing baby daddy with the footlong penis Gerard Pique have called it en paz. According to Spanish site Cotilleo (via Sports Illustrated), Pique’s very bad week began with boos and hisses coming from his former fans for publicly supporting Catalonia trying to secede from the rest of Spain. And it ended with Shakira allegedly dumping him and embracing the prospect of allowing men back into her videos.

(Oh, and as for that Catalonia thing. Fun fact – Catalonia is considered an autonomous nationality in Spain, and it consists of four provinces – Barcelona, Girona, Lleida, and Tarragona. They’re currently trying to make a “Brexit” for it. Pique is from Barcelona and is the centre-back for FC Barcelona and Spain’s national team. Pique has reportedly offered to quit Spain’s team due to the backlash. And wow, this Dlisted gig takes me to new places like Catalonia and forcing myself to read about sports.)

A source close to Shakira “confirmed the separation.” They’ve appeared to be on the rocks for some time now and were last seen together publicly in June at the wedding of one of his teammates in Argentina. Maybe Shakira had a come-to-Gloria Steinem moment and realized that she’s not a “goal to defend“ before she had to leave him by faking her own death in a ridiculously complex manner. (Seriously, didn’t that whole fake drowning plan seem kind of unnecessarily convoluted to you?)

However, on the official side of things, Shakira’s publicist released a statement to Spanish magazine HOLA! saying Pique is still defending her goal (via 101 Great Goals).

Shakira and Gerard Piqué’s relationship is still going strong. “Everything is the same,” the singer’s publicist confirmed to HOLA! in response to the recent reports that pair have ended their relationship.

The publicist confirmed that the claims are “only rumors ” from people “who want to harm Pique.”

Shakira and Gerard have two children together – Milan, four, and Sasha, two. They’ve been an item since 2010 after he appeared in the video for Shakira’s song for the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

I’m new to Big Peen Pique and I have to say I’m not sure how Shakira was even able to leave the house to exit the relationship. I’ve been looking at photos of Pique and goddamn, when he’s home you must have to climb over that thing to get to the door.

Pic: WENN