Harvey Weinstein Quotes Jay Z, Threatens NRA in Bizarre, Rambling "Apology"

Well... this is one way to deal with sexual harassment allegations.

On Thursday afternoon, The New York Times published a bombshell article in which it quoted multiple women who claimed Harvey Weinstein took advantage of them in various inappropriate ways.

According to this report, the veteran film producer has settled eight separate sexual misconduct claims over the years.

Ashley Judd is among the women who have issued complaints against Weinstein.

She's now on record as saying Weinstein answered his hotel room door in 1997, while Judd was shooting the movie Kiss the Girls, and asked if he could either massage her or if she would watch him take a shower.

We know, right? EWWWWW.

In response to this multitude of claims against him, Weinstein basically acknowledged his many decades' worth of lewd behavior.

"I appreciate the way I’ve behaved with colleagues in the past has caused a lot of pain, and I sincerely apologize for it," he said, adding at the time:

"Though I’m trying to do better, I know I have a long way to go."

Fair enough, we guess.

What else could he really say in the face of these allegations?

We now have the answer.

In a follow-up statement, clearly written without the help of a publicist, Weinstein opened by blaming the era in which he started his career for how he acted toward the opposite sex.

"I came of age in the 60’s and 70’s, when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different. That was the culture then," the producer said.

"I have since learned it’s not an excuse, in the office - or out of it. To anyone."

Okay, fine. 

If Weinstein had stopped there, we wouldn't even be writing this right now.

But he didn't stop there.

"Though I’m trying to do better, I know I have a long way to go. That is my commitment," he added.

"My journey now will be to learn about myself and conquer my demons. Over the last year I've asked Lisa Bloom to tutor me and she's put together a team of people.

"I've brought on therapists and I plan to take a leave of absence from my company and to deal with this issue head on. I so respect all women and regret what happened."

For the record, Lisa Bloom is a lawyer who specializes in representing celebrities seeking some kind of payday.

She sat alongside Blac Chyna this summer, for example, during her revenge porn case against Rob Kardashian.

It's unclear how she has been acting as a "tutor" to Weinstein.

Weinstein then wrote this:

Jay Z wrote in 4:44 "I'm not the man I thought I was and I better be that man for my children."

The same is true for me. I want a second chance in the community but I know I've got work to do to earn it.

For the record: Jay Z did not rap these words.

What he did rap was this:

"And if my children knew/I don’t even know what I would do/If they ain’t look at me the same/I would prob’ly die with all the shame."

From there, Weinstein - inspired, we suppose, by this week's Las Vegas shooting - turned his attention to... the National Rifle Assocation?

Yup.

"I've decided that I'm going to give the NRA my full attention. I hope Wayne LaPierre will enjoy his retirement party.

"I'm going to do it at the same place I had my Bar Mitzvah. I'm making a movie about our President, perhaps we can make it a joint retirement party."

Finally, after touting his progressive bona fides in this manner, Weinstein wrapped it up.

"One year ago, I began organizing a $5 million foundation to give scholarships to women directors at USC," he wrote, concluding:

"While this might seem coincidental, it has been in the works for a year. It will be named after my mom and I won't disappoint her."

We've got a feeling it's way too late for that.

Mrs. Weinstein is likely quite disappointed in her son already.